• Actual physical violence;
• Stalking;
• Sexual abuse;
• A serious threat of physical violence;
• Harrassing and annoying phone calls; or
• Destruction of personal property.

you have a close personal relationship with the party you are asking to have restrained.

Under the law, a relationship is defined as "close" if at least one of the following is true:

• You are married or were formerly married to the other party;
• You have or formerly had an engagement or dating relationship with the other party;
• You and the other party have a child or children together;
• You are related to the other party by blood, marriage or adoption; or,
• You and the other party are living together, or formerly lived together, as members of a "household".

To apply for a Domestic Violence Restraining Order, obtain the DOMESTIC VIOLENCE RESTRAINING ORDER packet from the business office of any branch of the Court. If you do not have a “close relationship” with the other party, obtain the CIVIL HARASSMENT RESTRAINING ORDER packet from the business office.

Ways to Stay Safe:

• Change the locks on the doors and the garage.
• Call the police or sheriff the minute the violent party gets near you, don't wait to hear what he has to say.  The  court has or will specify what forms of communication are acceptable.  Ask if they overlook that issue.
• Keep a current order with you at all times - have the copy with the original court stamp.
• Tell neighbors, friends, landlord, or co-workers that you are not together anymore and that the other person does not live with you.
• Have a safety plan for leaving or returning.  Have the kids aware of the plan if that's a concern.
• If the ex-partner is dangerous, security at work should be informed and the police or sheriff of your neighborhood should be advised.  THEY WANT TO KNOW if there are any weapons held by the restrained person that have not been turned over to them or to a federally licensed gun dealer.
• Neighbors or coworkers should be advised to call 911 if the restrained person is seen near work or your home.

Signs of a Potential Batterer (With credit to Dear Abby for compilation)

• A push for quick involvement.  Comes on strong claiming "I've never felt loved like this by anyone" - he/she has.
• Jealous of your time spent with anyone else - family, friends, coworkers - you name it.
• Controlling behavior,  Controls comings and goings, money and "insists" on helping you make personal decisions.
• Isolation.  Cuts off supportive resources such as telephone pals and coworkers.
• Unrealistic Expectations.  Expects you to be perfect and meet every need.
• Blames others for his/her problems such as job loss, fights or anything else that goes wrong.  In court that'll be the judge.
• Hypersensitivity.  Easily upset by the small stuff.
• Makes everyone else responsible for his/her feelings.  Says "I am so angry" or "You're hurting me by not doing what I tell you to do"
• Cruelty to animals.  A hanging offense in most courtrooms.
• Cruelty to kids.  Likewise a major problem to judges.  Insensitive to pain or hurt  Completer lack of understanding as to the limits of teasing.
• Playful use of force during sex.  Throwing down and holding down.  Demanding sex when sleeping, tired or ill.
• Verbal Abuse.  Says hurtful things, degrades and humiliates, wakes the partner up to verbal abuse.  Or continues the harangue long past a reasonable period.
• Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde (I never remember which is which) personality.  Sudden mood swings and unpredictable behavior.
• Prior history of this type of behavior or battering.  There's always an excuse for why it happened and it's guaranteed that it isn't the batterer's fault.
• Threats of physical behavior.  "I'll slap you if you don't stop".  The judges all-time favorite "I'll kill you" - but they never mean it - "everyone talks that" way by the time they get to court.
• Breaking or striking objects or possessions.  Punches holes in walls or doors.  Throws things at or near children of partner.
• Rigid sex rules.  Partner expected to serve, obey and remain at home.
• Uses force duriing arguments.  Holds the other against a wall or grasps arms very tightly.  Pinned.
• Pushes, slugs, slaps or kicks.  This behavior can escalate.

This behavior is NOT, repeat NOT going to change without serious and extensive counseling with counselors that specialize in the area.  You can listen to all the apologies and promises that you wish to, but the only thing that is going to change is YOU  accepting responsibility for your behavior and getting out of the situation to protect you and your children.

The Professor remained as neutral as possible because there are men who are battered, but domestic violence is the leading cause of injury to women between the Ages of 15 and 44 in the United States - more than car accidents, muggings, and rapes combined.   Women are 7 to 10 times more likely to be injured in acts of intimate violence than are men.  4,000 women each year are killed by their husbands, ex-husbands, or boyfriends.  The Office on Violence Against Women, U.S. Department of Justice